A Haircut and Crying in Starbucks

Notes from my daily photography experiments #15

Photo by author, Reylia Slaby

Today after a visit to the hospital, I found myself cutting my hair to a length it hasn’t been since I was 5 years old. I thought that such a dramatic change would induce feelings of liberation, but alas, I felt nothing.

I don’t know why I decided to take the daily photo like this today. To be honest my mental state has been shot these past few days.

I find myself, as of now, crying quietly in Starbucks. As the tears drip onto my notebook, smearing the ink of my pen, I realize that there is one thing that has changed from before. I don’t feel ashamed or worried that wandering eyes may come across my face, which already stands out here in Japan, and is further exasperated by swollen red eyes and salt-stained cheeks.

I personally feel that it is a right we need to claim for ourselves, to cry in public. Japanese society spends so much time in the indoctrination of unity, of the erasure of the individual, that I feel it completely necessary to counteract it and claim your emotions back.

I refused to run away shamefully into the bathroom, and wait until my complexion returned to its usual tint.

During an emotional episode, shame is not another emotion to be added to that basket. I want…